heeee

5 more days till school re-open and i still haven't

#1-buy my uniform

#2- buy stationary

#3-check what class im in

#4-buy danger days

#5-destroy stupid effing zit

#6-buy wifi

oh and hamra said that im in fucking CEMERLANG!! can u believe that?? that means its not toooo late to rearrange my fucked up head and shits...anyways erm....i think maybe we'll go and buy my school stuff tomorrow which means that i can buy DANGER DAYS then!!!!!!! weeeeeeeeee

hey!!

its been ages since my last post huh? not like anyone is gonna miss me but ah well..nothing wrong with make believe rite?

ehem ehem

so i've been busy with pathetic stupid fucking real life and awesome amazing virtual crap [ twitter n tumblr...] and im just bored....schools out that means i can do whatever i want right? WRONG!

everyday i got to take care of my cousin's daughter a.k.a NyetNyet and i've got to help mommie with the cheese tarts and the house and the tensions...yea...im just so tired...but not in a bad way guess..but at least i haven't get school to piss me off...

anyway daddie got me a fucking DRUM KIT!!!!!! can u believe that?? i cant!!! he didn't actually buy it or anything but his boss give it for free[i know..its still hard for me to take all this in xD]!! so me and daddie dearest put it in my sweet lil bedroom..its really GORGEOUS! i take a pic of it but my phone is being a bitch rite now so i can't post it.=[

so me any sissy had fun w/ me playing the drum and she the guitar...we played a few of her songs and it was just AWESOME! it was a really good feeling and somehow the feeling of wanting to be in a band gets even bigger...xD

im really hoping that this end of ear holiday is gonna be a blast even if we wont be going to some fancy place or stupid money shit ass things...

and im thinking of doing a cover of a few songs or post ma songs on the net..i know i know that it soo overrated but i dont care and this time i dont give a damn about 'promotin' ma vids...coz lets face it.even if i force peeps to watch it they won't like/subscribe it rite? so yeah wtevr

and ermm im thinking of practicing my math stuff [i know im a nerd..xD] coz last exam i got a

fucking D! and i think my whole result is a fucking fucked up mess...mhmmm im not lying..

and erm what else? oh yea save up my lil money so that i can buy My Chemical Romance's Danger Days : the true lives of the fabulous killjoys .

yup their NEW 4TH ALBUM!! im so fucking excited for this album coz well thay're my fucking fav band in the whole wide world! i have NEVER been this excited for a CD.

and erm yea wait! i think imma post their Danger Days banner or somethin ...hold up..lemme check it--

yay! it worked!! duhh

xo,

N

ahaha

"MCR are the only people who will be able to survive a zombie invasion.

Gerard looks so pale that he will look unappetizing to the zombies,

Mikey doesn't have enough meat on him to please the zombies,

Ray's HAIR will eat the ZOMBIES,

and Frank probably tastes horrible with all his ink..."

hah!! too true!

okayyy al the shit i've said bout mychem's new album......i fucking take it back...i fucking take it back coz da new song is fucking awesome[just my humble opinion].....i just cant fucking wait for November 22 !!!!!!

yeah so i miss mychem is that so wrong?
so im afraid to hear the new song
im afraid its gone
the waiting is too long
what if it went wrong?
what if they turn into a pop whore?
no no let it go
im just too paranoid
it'll go on
whats wrong with my head?
is it so dead?
like my blood stained bed
its crimson red
im afraid i'll lied
when everyone does
why can't i find sumthing to rhyme?
does that mean i need to go back?
to the place where everyone's mad?
to the days where i feel so sad?
or the days when they assume im bad?
let's think not
and just cherish our thoughts
that MCRmy will fought
to the days that we thought
it matters not

this is the end

my brain stop working instantly after i read this article , http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_l8tpzjdqzJ1qd4ywdo1_1280.png?AWSAccessKeyId=0RYTHV9YYQ4W5Q3HQMG2&Expires=1284726636&Signature=7ZeqTQ1Md6YVL2IiSDQRSpQnH2I%3D

my heart crashed , my brain hurts

pop? FUCKING POP???

r u for serious???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if i've got a heart attack i will actually literally DIE!

yea yea
we're the MCRmy we should support them n trust whatever shit they're doing with their new album......tell me sumthing r u really selling out?


God...not that i hate 'em now but


























































please don't be another lady gaga ....please don't be all techno n auto tune shit...



please please please please please please please please please

please please please please please please please please please



please please please please please please please please please

please please please please please please please please please



please please please please please please please please please

please please please please please please please please please



please please please please please please please please please

please please please please please please please please please



please please please please please please please please please

please please please please please please please please please


please please please please please please please please please

please please please please please please please please please


please please please please please please please please please

please please please please please please please please please

AWESOME SHITS!!!

found a site for lolita's clothes and it's AWESOME! yea too bad im not from America or Canada or anywhere in between....mwahahahahahhha i like the dresses no i LOVE the dresses! Sis says that i can easily find all those stuff at Time Square..yea i can find some of it in TS but it's so effing expensive! and it's not even good quality [ well i don't really know bout the quality but.....erm...it's not the same from this shop's dresses! ] wait lemme try n post the pics

these are one of my favorite from the CLASSIC LOLITA 'SECTION'

These are two of my favourite from the PUNK LOLITA 'SECTION'

Two of my favorite GOTH LOLITA 'SECTION'

fuck the posers

i hate it when some people say that my chem is a sell-out n shits n stuff...so they grow up , everyone grow up.... that doesn't mean that they have forgotten their fans or their 'REAL' fans..that's just stupid! here's one comment on youtube that really gets into my skin

"MCR suck. Get. Over. it.

They saw fame and fortune and realised they really didn't give a shit as long as they got it in their pocket.

They did sell out, but they sold out to a million NEW mcr fans. Bullet was for the true fans. Sorry but... they've gone. No offence. BUT. DEAL WITH IT. They went ages ago."

just because some fans started knowing them n listening to their songs when THE BLACK PARADE come out doesn't mean that all of the new fans are fake.....wtf? just because u "real" fans know them b4 they were famous doesn't make u a true fan or a real fan. just bcoz u love bullets doesn't mean that ur the only one..many of the new fans dig out their old stuff n love it..that doesn't make them posers. what make a poser is those who once says that their life depends on MYCHEM but now listen to tokio hotels and miley cyrus n claim that they love rock n roll... sometimes u people r so close minded...so what if they don't write songs bout vampires anymore? everybody knows that nowadays vampires r just glittery fake ass shit..so what if they don't wanna wear an inch thick makeup anymore? it doesn't matter as long as they still believe in their selves , their music and their talents....fuck those people who think they're better than anyone else.....get over yourself hon.

omg omg i missed u!! i cant never leave it down i cant never leave it down!!!!

OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOW CAN I NOT KNOW THAT 30SECONDSTOMARS AND SMASHING PUMPKINS WERE IN SINGAPORE FOR THE SINGFEST!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHERE HAVE I BEEN??? IM NOT FROM SINGAPORE BUT I CANT BELIEVE THAT THEY'RE QUITE FUCKING NEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD!!!

SMASHING PUMPKINS + 30SECONDSTOMARS !!!!

WHAT NEXT? DID MYCHEM COME TO MALAYSIA AGAIN N I DIDNT EVEN KNOW IT????

--------->poor psychotic paranoid

the world is a VAMPIRE[ the real one , not the fake glittery shit ass vampire]

im addicted to SMASHING PUMPKINS!!

But its kindda hard u know to dig out their old stuff cuz there so many!

why was i born late? why can't i was born sooner? hurm.....still itz okay..

there's this one song that is kindda like the first song i've heard from them..its called BULLETS WITH BUTTERFLY WINGS~ awewsome!

n u know what? they were in Singapore yesterday or sumthing!! so kindda close but so far away!!!!! God i sound like a fucking groupie or sumthing...im not!

anyway , erm.... i don't really know what to write actually...let see.....oh yea...next week is the ujian penilaian 2 so i was just studying n im having a break now....or so i think...kay....erm...i dont know what to say/write! this is suppose to be my 'diary' cuz i can't find my real life diary rite? dunno~ well in my head rite now is full with smashing pumpkins stuff , photosynthesis , evaporation shit , solute n solvent shit , MCR , n some othe things that r just too many~ [huh? psycho~] kay im gonna go n listen to some songs [ avril's i really miss her old shit...cuz itz nicer and deeper n just awesome] n some mellon collie songs and erm study a bit...kay nitey i mean mornin'!!

xoxo

....

yeah yeah yeah daddy dearest..it's ALL my fault....im the one who's responsible for that shit , im the one who should this n that..yeah yeah whatever....im tired of all of this....I'm tired of being followed by ur beloved niece...I'm tired of faking my smiles...I'm tired of feeling tired...

Hello!

look what I've been GOOGLE-ing .. lol

I MISS BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!

exam exam.....so fucking hard...its on next week i think.....yea...oh god i don't wanna think about it....God this is so depressing

hee

hello there!

hahah(so much for being positive...but hey at least i didn't start this poat with complaint!! rite?)

erm....suddenly i feel like i wanna start all over again....I really really hope that Abah will get a job this month bcoz he really need to~

yea....i dunno.......

i think i'm just gonna stop thinking bout it for awhile and like really focus on my studies for this month becoz my mid-year-exam is like urm..17th of May n i still didn't study despite my "new year resolutions' hah.....

those are just fake... i never ever got to do what i wanted to do on my new year resolution list....wtevr....maybe i'll try for next year?

I'm just gonna go n check if i got homework or not n stuff.....

yea......

see ya!

=)

i dunno what to expect anymore.....life's a bitch if u dont noe how to control it n make it a freakin cool thing......

all i know is that i wanna be in a band , hve fans who could totally connect with the songs that's been written by me...(lol wtf??) n juz be a successful musician , win lots of awards n still NOT be overrated.....(like taylor swift...i dunno i use to think that she's a nice girl but now she's just an overrated bitch who love fairytale...fuck ya bitch(is it jealousy or psychotic?))

yea oh n be a talented artist.....yea ok i'm out of here...itz 1:52 a.m. n there's lots of things to do...:

#1 sidai sissy'ss undies(haha)

#2 do my geo homework

#3 clean the fucking room

#4 find english textbook

#5 erm...yea that's it....

hehehe ok2 only ...erm what am i talking bout again?

erm...new topic!!

hahah

from now on i'm not gonna give a fuck bout what people think/talk/bitch bout me....i'm juz gonna be POSITIVE but with my usual goth-loli style (??)

erm yea....

ok

bye

im juz gonna go n do my chores.....

bye

nite

oh mornin'!!!......hehe

so long n gud morningggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

what a fucking nice weekend...

Remember when I say I was going 2 be a happy motherfucker?

who's passionate bout the stuff that she like n blah blah blah?

when I say I won't let anyone break me down?

when I say that I won't take anybody's shit?

yea that is just a prove that i'm a fucking liar...

but no i gotta be strong....I can't take it any longer...
if she thinks that she's the rite leader , the rite pupil then FINE i'm just gonna LIVE MY LIFE like nothing's happening...
I just gotta work HARD TO ACHIEVE MY FUCKING DREAMS...

#1 day she's gonna be fucking SORRY.......I will achieve that dream......I just need a starter.....but .i dont fucking care.....I'm just gonna do it....people can say what they wanna say...im just gonna WORK HARDER 2 achieve it......

YEAH!!!!!


MCR

FTW

<3

In my head~~

i'm not the only one who feel that way.....

that's so sad....

im not special at all?

i'm just like any normal teen?

i'm ordinary?

fugly?

no talent?

whore?

slut?

bitch?

am i stupid?? not worth noticing?

WAIT!!!!!

IM NOT LIKE ANY OTHER TEEN!

no IM NOT!

(well maybe a lil similar to most of the MCRMY...)

I HAVE A FUCKING DREAM N I AM GONNA ACHIEVE IT THIS YEAR , THIS MONTH , THIS MOMENT , THIS SECOND!! (?)

STOP FEELING SORRY 4 URSELF!

STOP BEING SELFISH!

STOP FEELING SAD ALL THE TIME!

STOP BEING SO FAST!

SAVOR THE MOMENT!

WORK HARDER!

U CAN DO THIS!

YES U CAN!!

KEEP PRACTICING UR BUTT OFF!!!

WE CAN DO THIS!

WE'LL FIND A WAY!

ANYWAY!

(GERARD WAY?)

*sigh

i dunno what to do...I feel so alone and when i try to talk it feels like no one is listening...i don't fucking get this...i dont want to get this....

She play for like what? 3 to 4 hours straight??

practice what you preach bitch!!

wait i cant say that...or can i?

wtf is fucking wrong with me?

i don't WANT to go there again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@#%$

i dunno what to do with twitter.......

is it like a chatting site only classier?

lol

i'm making no sense here....

im still practicing my guitar skill...

i join da choir 4 the skool stuff 2 get away from class but fml we're goin to sing Faizal Tahir's Gemuruh or sumthin.....

on a happier note : itz d effin holiday!!! eventho itz only for 1 week i'll still be cool.....

hurm......

i want to hve a band that will affect people's live like mychem did mine......

i wanna be a great guitar player not just another girl that learn to play guitar so that they can show off to their friends....

that is so overrated......

i think i hd too much coffee 4 my own good today.....

Bye-Bye Bob Bryar..*cry

yea im so sad coz Bob is leaving Mychem......

n the day after that i found out that my tikusi died....n it was such a bad day cuz of the exams n stuff...i cried so hard....

im so sad............

n i juz find out my result 4 dA test 1 ; 7A 4B

n all mommie said was......

4 B's????????????????

y do u hve 4b's?? i want the pmr subjects to get A not those effin art n stuff!!![ok so i made tht one up...no biggie]

listening to Ea's song relax me a bit.......

my math is not so bad after all [??!!!!]

kay i juz checked the price at bigcheesemag.com or sumthin....so yea i've done my math n all and guess what? it'll be RM36 sumthin......how the fuck am i gonna buy it now?

sigh.......i just hve to check at border's or mybe even popular.....

life sux...

think i'll go check what's the chords 4 kings and queens to cheer myself up....

whoa like literaly WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!

30stm AND mcr in the same mag??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dunno y but im sooo effing xcited!!

but......do they sell bigcheesemag in Malaysia?
i dunno...

mybe i'll check later at border's....bet it's gonna be pricey...


kay the reasons y im soo xcited bout is..

#1 30stm is on da cover so obviously there'll be an interview with all three of em rite?
#2 there's also mychem..."studio xclusive" which mean they're recording their next album! which i hope will come out either this month or mybe next month...[hope they put The World IS uGLY IN THe new album cuz that song rox my sox]
#3 there's also blackflag!!!!



so yea i deserve 2 be xcited...=D











okayy im making no sense here...

dream THE dream

ok just finish reading my old diary it started with a happy go lucky scene , a dream n lots of smile but it ended with a suicidal girl trying 2 break free , loathness , moody and hatred for the one n only band she ever loved...

i mean like wtf??!

why? why?

everytime i read my old diary it always started with happiness but the ending will be like REALLY dark..like WTF is wrong with me?????

itz like i've been possessed by an ending demon or sumthing....

anyway, today im not gonna let them take me , dun want to let them break me apart.. i just wanna be me...


back to the one dream i always wanted cuz i believe in myself n one day i will get to achieve it..

like Bob Bryar say 'if u hve sumthing to say , then say it n be in a band for the rite reasons, to make good music n to change the world not for celebz or money..cuz itz not worth it'

how................?

urghhhh

school sux

life's a psychotic bitch

god this is depressing

life is up side down now

how am i gonna pretend like everything's ok?
how am i gonna pretend that im one happy bitch but im not?
how am i gonna live the life that is soooooooooooooooo far away from the dream that i dream?
how am i gonna pretend to not see the hurt n anxiety in their faces when i ask for sumthin tht the teacher ask for?




how am i gonna live the dream now? when the dream is crash n burn?
how oh how am i gonna pretend?
how should i pretend like i dont bother?
how should i pretend to be happy?

when will....................

when will i got 2 be myself?
when will i be in a band n hve sold-out concerts?
when will i hve successful tours?
when will i hve a platinium/gold records?
when will i ever got to go to MCR/30STM/BLG/EA/MSI/AL/paramore/AAR 'S concert?
when will i achive my dreams?
when will i make 'em proud?






.....................................................when will it all come true??